Fox News Acknowledges Global Warming to Extent Necessary to Scare You About Spiders

Fox News (and don’t click if you don’t like spiders):

Climate change may give America’s venomous brown recluse spiders a choice: Move to a more northern state or face dramatic losses in range and possible extinction, a new theoretical study suggests.

Currently, brown recluse spiders are found in the interior of roughly the southeastern quarter of the continental United States. Researcher Erin Saupe used two ecological models to predict the extent of the spider’s range in 2020, 2050 and 2080 given the effects of global warming.

But I thought global warming was a liberal myth? Assuming this was a one-time mistake on Fox’s part, what’s the conservative explanation for this story, then? Some guesses:

  • Will of Creator Induces Brown Recluses to Move North, Say Baraminologists (CP/RW).
  • Fleeing Socialism, Confused Spiders Migrate North.
  • Spiders Migrate North to Avoid Influx of Illegal Immigrants, Suborned by Illegitimate President.
I for one welcome our new insect overlords!

One comment

  1. Steve · ·

    Spiders are not insects. They are eight-legged hellspawn that will web your mouth shut, plant their eggs in your lungs, and poison-bite you to death. We must end them.

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